Oversensitivity

My mind is a canvass that doesn’t go blank. Why? Because of the things that goes in my head 24-7-365.

It is stressed, frustrated, depressed, restless. I don’t know the last time I have gotten over something that easily. I tend to dwell on an idea for a long time that sometimes I don’t really forget them like regrets, my mistakes, others mistakes. I dwell on it for so long it eats me. It destroys me. It destroys my relationships with people.

Women are born like that. We are overly emotional, we overthink. I hate it. But I am this way ever since and I don’t know if I will ever change. I will try though that is why I am writing this.

I am scared of not getting loved. I am scared of not getting the attention I want. I am fragile. I’ve always been like that. I got used to that. But this is why I need to change. This is making me feel down all the time. And it makes my other half frustrated with me. He is not a mind reader, He is sensitive with my feelings but he doesn’t really get me sometimes because I don’t communicate. I don’t tell him instantly how I feel. I let time pass and dwell on it and when I get fed up with the emotions I blow it in all proportions and it hurts us both. I need help.

I always told him I don’t feel special. But I keep on forgetting that he is a good man and a good catch for me and let me point out that I am lucky.

He doesn’t cheat. He is faithful. He loves me. He talks to me. He is there for me. He is ALWAYS there for me. I will make this relationship better by thinking about what I love about him and what he does to show me he loves me instead of asking for other things that only prince charming can ALL give. No one is perfect. He is not and I am not. I will stop the whining. I will talk to him. Tell him what I want and not react to things he does and doesn’t do instantly. I will tell him what I think. I will tell him everything. I will never change when it comes to being caring, loving and thoughtful because that’s what he loves about me. I will make myself pretty for him every day, even if he doesn’t notice or give me compliments. I will feel fine. If he doesn’t give me flowers it is fine. He is a practical guy and flowers are not his form of endearment. It is just an object, and that is not the basis of his love for me.

I will be better at this.

We will work things out.

New Hobby

Cooking has become my hobby for the past couple of months. I became serious about it when I made chewy chocolate cookies again and it was a success. It's really fun to bake and cook and share what you've made. My mom told me to perfect one recipe and sell it but I always feel like I'm being challenged to try something new each time. I always have something new to bring to the table. Even my dad, who's very picky when it comes to food, started to like my cooking and approves those that really tast good. My officemates, too, are always looking forward to eat my baked goodies and I feel proud I get good reviews about them.

I am going to post some really good recipes here just to show you some quick, easy and really tasty recipes I have tried and raved about. :)

Here's a sample of what I have baked. I'll post something about these in the coming days :)

Moist Chocolate Cupcake with Choco Ganache Frosting


Chocolate Marble Cake


Chocolate Fudge Brownie


Blueberry Muffins topped with Choco Chips


Ham, Cheese, Bacon and Spinach Quiche

Excited to go to Baguio.. again. :)

It's been two years since I last visited Baguio and the experiences from that time seem to linger into my head. It's like reliving a memory but now with a different person. Since Ryan has never been there before, I feel so much like a tour guide, googling all the best tourist spots to date, getting the list of possible places we can dine in and the most romantic spots where we can have our quality time together. :)

I'm kind of impressed with the way my itinerary turned out (in paper) and I cant wait to check out the awesome place again especially those that I haven't gotten the chance to visit i.e. BenCab Museum, Strawberry Fields, etc.. I just hope that the weather will cooperate or else my itinerary will be ruined.. for sure.

I am craving for ube and strawberries already! teehee! ^_^

Deaths and Funerals

I just came from Nueva Vizcaya yesterday to visit a friend who's dad died of stroke. I felt sad when I heard about it and I'm still sad now.  News about a death makes me worry about the friend who is left behind by a loved one. Also it kind of serves as a reminder that God may take my life or the life of anyone close to me anytime. I can't shake off the feeling of uneasiness when I think about it. :(

I don't go to funerals. Why? First, I don't know what to say when I go to one. Second, I am usually a jolly person so I find it hard to keep my smile from showing. Third, I don't want to see sad, weeping people. I hate the feeling of not being able to help someone because I cant bring a person back to life, something like this can't be helped. I didn't want to go because of the reasons I stated, but this time I felt like I had to. It's difficult to comfort someone but it's easy to listen. The family needed a listening ear and a sympathetic heart and that's what we gave them.

Death is a scary thing. They say we don't have to be afraid of it, but in reality it haunts us. But one thing that scares us the most is the death of a loved one. It is unexpected and probably the most depressing chapter of ones life.   Acceptance has never been an easy thing to do. I, myself, wouldn't know what to do if something like this happens in my life. Actually, I don't even have a single thought about it until now. This made me realize that I should really start living my life and get the most of it before I leave the face of the earth. I should value the people around me. Be merry, love and live without regrets.

We can never say when, how or why people die, we leave those to God. Those questions we often ask but oftentimes we become too dumbfounded to fathom those heartbreaking answers. Some already know that a person may die soon but they stay in denial phase. When that person dies, they keep themselves from moving on and they become stuck in that phase, failing to accept that circumstance in their lives and they never get back on track again. Feeling regretful and guilty for whatever they did and/or they didn't do when that person was still alive. Death is inevitable but living is not.

I am happy that my friend still remains to have that smile on her face despite the mournful situation she has gone through the past week. I hope she carries on with the happy memories of her father and her family. :)

Date Night

I'm glad I was able to spend a few hours with Ryan. 4 hours of strolling, window shopping and eating. (I got work but I finished working on it inside an internet shop inside Rob Galleria.. hassle nga lang) :)

We had milk tea at Serenitea, bought a few things at Saizen and Daiso, Ryan got a hair cut at Bench Fix and finally we had dinner at Pancake House.

Some of the pictures we took showing off his new look.

<3

Mr. Pogi Shot 1

Mr. Pogi Shot 2

Pacute Shot 1

 

Mr. Pogi Shot 3

Pacute Shot 2

Gutom?

Cute little pink stuff from Saizen and Daiso. Ryan also has the same stuff but of a different color (syempre).

I had may hair done! After planning to get my hair dyed for so long... I finally got my old hair color back. Golden Copper Blonde! Thanks Bench Fix Podium! :)

My Golden Copper Blonde Hair :)