One year and three months of pointless work. Yes. More than a year of meaningless work. I’ve been wanting to come out of my shell for more than a year now. Been thinking about following those who were brave enough to leave and look for work some place else. Honestly, I can list down all the reasons why I want to leave. Maybe I can fill several sheets of paper. But I still havent had the courage to apply for a job!
I got a reason for not doing so.
FEAR!
I fear that I might not meet the expectations of people. Since I work here, (Insert Company name here), people might think I’m good. I excel at this and that but I really don’t. I havent learned a thing since I got into (insert company name here)! I learned a little of COBOL and a little of JAVA and nothing else! Before I work here, I was expecting trainings and stuff, but I ended up not learning something useful and relevant. Right now, I feel like when I get out of here, I’d be in total shock because I learned nothing. It drove me nuts when I try to study Visual C++ because I ended up forgetting most parts of the fundamentals I learned in college. When I read the ebook for dummies, the next thing I knew I was on Facebook playing Café World! HAHA! USELESS!
I fear the examinations and interviews that I will be going through, AGAIN. Oh yes. As mentioned earlier, I suck at programming languages so I need to study AGAIN. I really do. Ok so now I am really wondering why I took Computer Engineering…
I fear the new environment I need to adapt to. I fear that the new people I’ll be working with would act the same way as the ones I’m working with now. This matters to me a lot. I really want to work for a company with approachable employees! Ok. Nuff said.
I fear the toxicity of work. I don’t like work to take too much of my time really. And I really really hate having too much work! Right now, that’s what I love here. I have control over my time. If I don’t get to finish what I am doing (which don’t usually happen because I finish them as soon as I can so I’ll be on petiks mode!), deadlines are somewhat extended. That is what I ONLY like about my work now.
I fear regrets and all the “What Ifs”. What if I resign and I don’t get a job. What if the new job is same as this one? What if the new company is not better? What if it is worse? What if after I got in, they decide to layoff people? Now I sound so nega. It’s too damn hard to decide if you’d think of these reasons everyday.
At my age, not knowing what my goals are makes my life hell. I only have a goal but I don’t know my gameplan. I have all those thoughts about me being successful but I don’t really know where to start.
I wish I could decide as early as I can because this wastes too much of my time. It’s actually like a quick sand, the longer you stay struggling the quicker you get sucked in and the worst part is if you never get out of it you’ll be buried there forever. I don’t want to be at the bottom of the corporate chain! I don’t want to be a work slave forever! God help me!
