Counting down the days of MEANINGLESS WORK

One year and three months of pointless work. Yes. More than a year of meaningless work. I’ve been wanting to come out of my shell for more than a year now. Been thinking about following those who were brave enough to leave and look for work some place else. Honestly, I can list down all the reasons why I want to leave. Maybe I can fill several sheets of paper. But I still havent had the courage to apply for a job!

I got a reason for not doing so.

FEAR!

I fear that I might not meet the expectations of people. Since I work here, (Insert Company name here), people might think I’m good. I excel at this and that but I really don’t. I havent learned a thing since I got into (insert company name here)! I learned a little of COBOL and a little of JAVA and nothing else! Before I work here, I was expecting trainings and stuff, but I ended up not learning something useful and relevant. Right now, I feel like when I get out of here, I’d be in total shock because I learned nothing. It drove me nuts when I try to study Visual C++ because I ended up forgetting most parts of the fundamentals I learned in college. When I read the ebook for dummies, the next thing I knew I was on Facebook playing Café World! HAHA! USELESS!

I fear the examinations and interviews that I will be going through, AGAIN. Oh yes. As mentioned earlier, I suck at programming languages so I need to study AGAIN. I really do. Ok so now I am really wondering why I took Computer Engineering…

I fear the new environment I need to adapt to. I fear that the new people I’ll be working with would act the same way as the ones I’m working with now. This matters to me a lot. I really want to work for a company with approachable employees! Ok. Nuff said.

I fear the toxicity of work. I don’t like work to take too much of my time really. And I really really hate having too much work! Right now, that’s what I love here. I have control over my time. If I don’t get to finish what I am doing (which don’t usually happen because I finish them as soon as I can so I’ll be on petiks mode!), deadlines are somewhat extended. That is what I ONLY like about my work now.

I fear regrets and all the “What Ifs”. What if I resign and I don’t get a job. What if the new job is same as this one? What if the new company is not better? What if it is worse? What if after I got in, they decide to layoff people? Now I sound so nega. It’s too damn hard to decide if you’d think of these reasons everyday.

At my age, not knowing what my goals are makes my life hell. I only have a goal but I don’t know my gameplan. I have all those thoughts about me being successful but I don’t really know where to start.

I wish I could decide as early as I can because this wastes too much of my time. It’s actually like a quick sand, the longer you stay struggling the quicker you get sucked in and the worst part is if you never get out of it you’ll be buried there forever. I don’t want to be at the bottom of the corporate chain! I don’t want to be a work slave forever! God help me!

Elevator

I went to work today.

I am not into riding an elevator with lots of people so I decided to take the other elevator which only goes up until 16th floor. I really dont mind taking the stairs going up to 17th floor anyway.

So there, I went into the elevator. 4 other people went in. And then there he was. Angelic in his yellow shirt. The shirt he was wearing Friday before Valentine's Day (which means he is dating someone but I am definitely clueless about it). I was wearing the same white shirt (meaning I am SINGLE, LOOKING but NOBODY NOTICED.) I wore that day too. What a coincidence.

I didnt say 'Hi'. We just glanced at each other for a moment. Silence filled the elevator the whole time. The other 4 people inside was gone byt the time we reached the 15th floor. Only the two of us were left inside, a pretty awkward moment as I saw it. I was kind of embarassed so I tried not to look at him. Still.. Silence and nothing more.

When we reached the 16th floor, the elevator door opens and I went out as fast as I could. My heart was beating so fast. He was behind me. As I reached for the Fire Exit door and opened it, his hand reached for it too and held it. We went up the stairs, I opened the door to the 17th floor and into the office, he held them again.

He was right there with me all the while yet I didnt even say a word. I could've said 'Hi'. I could've smiled. But I didnt. I DIDNT. WTF was I doing!? I was just dumbfounded.

I've been waiting for something like this to happen yet I ruined it.

I ruined it! Damn.

My Christmas Wish List

I have a lot in mind but these 5 things are on the top of my list in no particular order.

1. Sony Cybershot T77

2. Ipod Nano (any of the 9 colors except the white and black one )

3. Nokia N79 (para naman maiba phone ko. wala lang. )


4. Philips Pink Earphones (dahil lang cute siya hehe)

Curing Curiosity

Working, and I mean programming and everything related to what I have been doing for the past month, is really fun. It just pisses me off sometimes because I get a little carried away with my work that whenever I deploy and test the code I have done and it fails, it feels like I have to really concentrate on what I’m doing and I don’t want to be disturbed by anyone at that very moment or else… uh.. I get annoyed.

It bothers me sometimes that people might think I’m a little harsh and sarcastic when I answer their questions. It’s just that I think they can figure out the answers to their questions themselves. The answers are WAY TOO obvious and I was not born to spoon-feed them with ideas that I found out myself. What the hell is the use of your God-given-eyes, Help icon, API and GOOGLE if you’re not going use them anyway?

Curiosity builds the brain and asking questions really does help when you’re stuck doing your work but it just drives me crazy when people don’t exert even a little effort in trying to fix problems (errors) on their own FIRST. At least they could get to navigate through the system and learn on their own just in case they’d do a project alone. Help is not always there.

Just think of it this way, what if you are the only one left here on earth and you got no one to turn to if you have questions in mind? What in the world would you do?? Oh come on.. Go figure! Haha ^_^

But what the heck.. Everything’s going to be fine just as long as I get paid every month.. wuU! Hahaha..

from empty to busy..

I hate to say this but I kinda miss blogging. Haha. Kasi marami naring bagong nangyayari sa buhay ko di katulad nung dati na sobrang idle ako at naghihintay lang ng gagawin. Parang nagrotate ung buhay ko ng 180 degrees dahil sa sudden change sa routines ko. Nakakapanibago talaga.
Kung dati I wake up at 11 or 12, this time I have to wake up at 530 dahil sa trabaho. Buti nalang at nasanay agad ang katawan ko na gumising ng ganung kaaga. hindi na nga ako gumagamit ng alarm clock minsan kasi automatic na akong nagigising. At sa ngayon kahit walang pasok pilit ng ginigising ng utak ko ang katawan ko palage ng parehas na oras at pag hindi ako bumangon, putol putol na ang tulog ko… Nakakainis lalong lalo na pag weekend at puyat ka ng Friday night.. Badtrip talaga!
Sa mga ginagawa ko naman, ayun, kelangan lagi magconcentrate. Kelangan mag-aral ng mabuti. Kasi naman napakacomplicated ng software. Hindi ka na pwedeng matulog pag inaantok ka o kaya naman ay magskip ng lecture pag ayaw mo pumasok tulad ng pagcut class ko dati. Kahit antok na ako o pagod na ako I have to stay there and listen until 6pm. Pinipilit kong makinig kahit na minsan parang wala na akong naiintindihan, hindi na napaprocess ng utak ko. Kung hindi ko makuha may manual naman at may help function un kaya lang parang mas lalong magiging complex kasi sa sobrang haba ng babasahin mo sa malamang e hindi mo mas lalo maiintindihan.
Kung sa pagkain ko naman, I haven’t skipped a meal yet di tulad ng dati na lunch and dinner lang main meals ko tapos maraming merienda. Hehehe. May breakfast ako sa bahay, na kung di naman ako makakain ay may free crackers and biscuits naman sa pantry sa office, un nga lang sa morning lang. Bumibili ako ng lunch dun kay Aling Ansang na feeling ko naman ay sulit kasi marami serving nfor 60 pesos, un nga lang mas matipid talaga kung magbabaon ako. Dinner? Well pwede sa bahay, pwede rin naman sa market market! Pero syempre mas prefer ko sa bahay dahil mas tipid at kasama ko pa magdinner family ko na most of the time ay hinihintay ako. Ayun. Ang nagbago lang dito e yung wala na akong merienda in between meals. Kung nakapagtabi ka ng crackers from morning swerte, pero kung naubos mo wala ka ng makakain sa merienda mo sa hapon. Pwera na lang kung lalabas ka at magppunta sa ministop na sobrang layo. E minsan ung break naming 15 mins lang. ang bagal pa ng elevator dun. Hay. Kaya coffee nalang kami palagi. Pampagising. Nung first week naka 4 cups of coffee yata ako e. Grabe. Free naman kaya ok lang. hehe. Pwede ring magsoftdrinks in can pero it would cost you 10 pesos. Or water. Pwede rin. Hehe. Actually sulit na mastay ka sa pantry kasi kahit puro coffee or water ayus ka na e.. ^_^
Hindi na ako pala nakakapagconference with tin and duane. Nako. Kasi naman when I get home from work kain lang tapos konting nood ng tv tapos antok na ako bigla. I cant stay up late kasi aantukin ako sa office pag late ako natulog. Nakakamiss na nga e. Dibale may webmessenger naman e. =)
Well, sa lahat lahat ng pangyayare sakin syempre graduation ko ung pinakamasaya. Pero sa next blog ko na lang un ikkwento dahil marami pa pala ako gagawin. ^_^