My mind is a canvass that doesn’t go blank. Why? Because of the things that goes in my head 24-7-365.
It is stressed, frustrated, depressed, restless. I don’t know the last time I have gotten over something that easily. I tend to dwell on an idea for a long time that sometimes I don’t really forget them like regrets, my mistakes, others mistakes. I dwell on it for so long it eats me. It destroys me. It destroys my relationships with people.
Women are born like that. We are overly emotional, we overthink. I hate it. But I am this way ever since and I don’t know if I will ever change. I will try though that is why I am writing this.
I am scared of not getting loved. I am scared of not getting the attention I want. I am fragile. I’ve always been like that. I got used to that. But this is why I need to change. This is making me feel down all the time. And it makes my other half frustrated with me. He is not a mind reader, He is sensitive with my feelings but he doesn’t really get me sometimes because I don’t communicate. I don’t tell him instantly how I feel. I let time pass and dwell on it and when I get fed up with the emotions I blow it in all proportions and it hurts us both. I need help.
I always told him I don’t feel special. But I keep on forgetting that he is a good man and a good catch for me and let me point out that I am lucky.
He doesn’t cheat. He is faithful. He loves me. He talks to me. He is there for me. He is ALWAYS there for me. I will make this relationship better by thinking about what I love about him and what he does to show me he loves me instead of asking for other things that only prince charming can ALL give. No one is perfect. He is not and I am not. I will stop the whining. I will talk to him. Tell him what I want and not react to things he does and doesn’t do instantly. I will tell him what I think. I will tell him everything. I will never change when it comes to being caring, loving and thoughtful because that’s what he loves about me. I will make myself pretty for him every day, even if he doesn’t notice or give me compliments. I will feel fine. If he doesn’t give me flowers it is fine. He is a practical guy and flowers are not his form of endearment. It is just an object, and that is not the basis of his love for me.
I will be better at this.
We will work things out.
