What I love about Falling in Love

I always knew that I am the type of girl who falls in love pretty fast and most of the time I fall real hard… flat on my face since nobody’s brave enough to catch me. Just like the line from the movie I just saw a few weeks back, it’s not that I am not fed up of getting hurt; I am just not tired of loving.

Love for me has never been easy. It’s full of BS, if you ask me. But I always choose to fall nevertheless. I can’t help questioning myself why I always choose to risk getting myself hurt over and over again. Why fall so fast? Why him? Why now? Why can’t you wait? I am not a love guru but I give other people advice on love and relationships. I find it hard to think of advices I can give myself or get answers to my own love questions. I tend to over think which makes it even more complicated. I often tell myself to stop but I can’t, I don’t want to so I won’t.

It’s funny how this one thing drives me crazy, how it makes my life seem so exciting, how it makes me look forward to another day with a smile on my face, how it makes me cry and laugh at the same time, how it makes me forget the feeling of being alone, how it gives me the courage to tell someone I like him, how it somehow makes me go out of my comfort zone and be free from what I am accustomed to, how it changes my mood, how it gives me the strength to get up and try again after a fall, after getting hurt and being broken. I love getting butterflies in my stomach or having that feeling of excitement whenever I'm meeting that special someone. I love having these conversations that really brightens up my mood. I love seeing a smile on his face and I love smiling for him.  I just love being "korny" when I talk and I don't get embarrassed. I just love to Love. Period. 

I am glad to have found someone who makes me feel all these.  I feel blessed and I thank God for it. I wish this will not just be a temporary feeling, a spur of the moment feeling.  Time is not something I am always worried about but for this matter it does and the moments we create with the time we spent together. :)

Some say it’s better to love and get a broken heart than never to have loved at all. It's probably the best feeling in the world, so why stop yourself from experiencing it. I believe God has given each of us a partner. Someone who'll give us the love we deserve.

We don’t have to look for Love. Trust in God that he will eventually give it to you. He will give you the right person at the right time.  :)

Love Too Soon...

I never thought I'd fall in love so fast. As in literally fast. In a span of 3 months, I got to know someone, be with that someone and started falling in love. I can't find the words to describe what we have right now.  I can't explain how I feel about him or how he makes me feel.  I just know that, yes, finally, I am happy. I've never been happier.  I feel like this is it for me. He's probably the one. 

Here's are the highlights of my so called love story...

I was part of a Christmas presentation last December.  Dressed as a school girl, I danced in front of the crowd with the other sailor school girls.  We won the grand prize.  Here's a video of our presentation:

Okay so we won.. but never did it occur to me that I'd win something better that night.. something I have been waiting for all my life. 

He was part of the audience. I was busy checking out cute guys, I didn't notice him at all, probably because the place was poorly lit. Anyway, he added me on facebook  and told me I looked good in the presentation. He's cute but looks more like a babaero to me. He sends me FB messages as in everyday.. didn't miss a day! Imagine that! Well until now he still never fails to ask me how I am, how my day went, share stories, let me know when he's home, where he's going.. One time I gave him an FB fansign.  He did the same for me.   He didn't give me flowers last Valentine's day but he wrote me a love letter. He also plays a guitar and sings to me. How sweet is that?? It's just like a scene in a movie where the guy made the girl fell in love with him through his words/letters.  I am guilty. I'm the girl who got swept off of my feet by this amazing man. 

Sweetest thing ever :)

He comments on some of my posts. We talk about a lot of things through chat (FB, Office communicator, text messages). He doesn't go to my cube, he doesn't send me flowers, he doesn't hang out with my friends a lot (just a couple of times), we've only seen each other a few times, we talk over the phone for hours... Many will think that I'm too shallow to even consider that courting. Yes, maybe in a way it's not a typical setup for courtship but in this generation, who gives an F about it. I think all that matters is that he is giving me time. His precious time that I didn't ask for in the first place. He willingly gives it to me on top of all the work that he does, despite how busy he is. That for me is the most important thing.  Material things don't matter to me. All I want is time.  All I want is someone who cares to listen to me, someone who would give me the attention and love I need. Someone who's open enough to share his stories with me.  Someone who, after finishing all his work at 4am, still accepts the invitation to join me and my friends just so we can at least spend time together and so he can get to know my friends. 

My heart skips a beat whenever I see him and my smile never leaves my face. It's so obvious I like him or maybe I have fallen for him. Many people notice that and I am sure they'll judge me for the way I am acting. As long as I am happy and as long as I am not stealing someone else's boyfriend, I really don't care.  I feel like I can stare at him for hours while he's working all night. I won't have any qualms about it. I want to be there for him like no one does. I want to be the last one to say good night to him after a hard day's work. I want to know what's going on inside his mind. I want to be his girl.

Let's just wait and see how it goes.  I'm not trying to rush things. I just want to give us all the time we need to get to know each other better.  Maybe it's too soon to say the Love word. Maybe I just like him too much. I love this feeling! :)

30 days to a new beginning ☺

As they always say, every end comes a new beginning.

I have filed my resignation last week. Finally, I got the courage to do so.

It's been two years of laughs, tears, headaches, stress, lunch outs, meetings, tight deadlines, yearnings, free snacks, aling ansang meals, and of course, great friendship.

It has always been a pleasure working with everyone. I will never forget each and everyone of you who cared to share what they know, helped me out on my tasks, gave me advice, answered my questions and laughed with me even in the quietest moments in the office.

I am very thankful to those who continuously support our polvoron business. (My business partner is thankful too! :) I hope you still buy from her)

I hope everyone will treasure and cherish those moments like I do and our great friendship will last. I am always a text, call, ym or email away.

:)

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“So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin.”

W. Clement Stone quotes (American best selling Author and Founder of Combined Insurance Co (now a part of Aon Corp.), 1902-2002)

Counting down the days of MEANINGLESS WORK

One year and three months of pointless work. Yes. More than a year of meaningless work. I’ve been wanting to come out of my shell for more than a year now. Been thinking about following those who were brave enough to leave and look for work some place else. Honestly, I can list down all the reasons why I want to leave. Maybe I can fill several sheets of paper. But I still havent had the courage to apply for a job!

I got a reason for not doing so.

FEAR!

I fear that I might not meet the expectations of people. Since I work here, (Insert Company name here), people might think I’m good. I excel at this and that but I really don’t. I havent learned a thing since I got into (insert company name here)! I learned a little of COBOL and a little of JAVA and nothing else! Before I work here, I was expecting trainings and stuff, but I ended up not learning something useful and relevant. Right now, I feel like when I get out of here, I’d be in total shock because I learned nothing. It drove me nuts when I try to study Visual C++ because I ended up forgetting most parts of the fundamentals I learned in college. When I read the ebook for dummies, the next thing I knew I was on Facebook playing Café World! HAHA! USELESS!

I fear the examinations and interviews that I will be going through, AGAIN. Oh yes. As mentioned earlier, I suck at programming languages so I need to study AGAIN. I really do. Ok so now I am really wondering why I took Computer Engineering…

I fear the new environment I need to adapt to. I fear that the new people I’ll be working with would act the same way as the ones I’m working with now. This matters to me a lot. I really want to work for a company with approachable employees! Ok. Nuff said.

I fear the toxicity of work. I don’t like work to take too much of my time really. And I really really hate having too much work! Right now, that’s what I love here. I have control over my time. If I don’t get to finish what I am doing (which don’t usually happen because I finish them as soon as I can so I’ll be on petiks mode!), deadlines are somewhat extended. That is what I ONLY like about my work now.

I fear regrets and all the “What Ifs”. What if I resign and I don’t get a job. What if the new job is same as this one? What if the new company is not better? What if it is worse? What if after I got in, they decide to layoff people? Now I sound so nega. It’s too damn hard to decide if you’d think of these reasons everyday.

At my age, not knowing what my goals are makes my life hell. I only have a goal but I don’t know my gameplan. I have all those thoughts about me being successful but I don’t really know where to start.

I wish I could decide as early as I can because this wastes too much of my time. It’s actually like a quick sand, the longer you stay struggling the quicker you get sucked in and the worst part is if you never get out of it you’ll be buried there forever. I don’t want to be at the bottom of the corporate chain! I don’t want to be a work slave forever! God help me!

Elevator

I went to work today.

I am not into riding an elevator with lots of people so I decided to take the other elevator which only goes up until 16th floor. I really dont mind taking the stairs going up to 17th floor anyway.

So there, I went into the elevator. 4 other people went in. And then there he was. Angelic in his yellow shirt. The shirt he was wearing Friday before Valentine's Day (which means he is dating someone but I am definitely clueless about it). I was wearing the same white shirt (meaning I am SINGLE, LOOKING but NOBODY NOTICED.) I wore that day too. What a coincidence.

I didnt say 'Hi'. We just glanced at each other for a moment. Silence filled the elevator the whole time. The other 4 people inside was gone byt the time we reached the 15th floor. Only the two of us were left inside, a pretty awkward moment as I saw it. I was kind of embarassed so I tried not to look at him. Still.. Silence and nothing more.

When we reached the 16th floor, the elevator door opens and I went out as fast as I could. My heart was beating so fast. He was behind me. As I reached for the Fire Exit door and opened it, his hand reached for it too and held it. We went up the stairs, I opened the door to the 17th floor and into the office, he held them again.

He was right there with me all the while yet I didnt even say a word. I could've said 'Hi'. I could've smiled. But I didnt. I DIDNT. WTF was I doing!? I was just dumbfounded.

I've been waiting for something like this to happen yet I ruined it.

I ruined it! Damn.